If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
