My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
