He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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