I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
i think my cat just said my name.
Randomize
