I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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