with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
