how can u be prego again
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
