i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
