hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
