Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
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I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
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Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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