I'm so fucking centered right now
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
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she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
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I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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