if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
