This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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