He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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