Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize