I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
