Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
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He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
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Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Text me some of your sweat
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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