It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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