Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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