It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
