She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
