Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize