I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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