You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
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Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
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I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different