Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
