I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
