So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
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Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
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If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize