You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
