my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
