as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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