Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
