as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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