Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
