u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
