he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
