It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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