when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
