i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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