I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
