We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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