I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
