Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
