I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
