can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
