too bad you live with your parents still
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
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you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
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When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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