Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
