Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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