Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
