Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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