Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
