i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
