she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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