I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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