Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
