either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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