these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
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There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
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We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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