Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
