In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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