So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
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Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
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Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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