fuck your aforementioned shoe
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
