I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
