Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
