Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
