We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
